My Airing of Grievances

In keeping with the Seinfeldian celebration of Festivus, and now that I've had what will probably be my Festivus dinner, I would like to present my Airing of Grievances. Lets start at the top.

President George W. Bush...I hold you responsible for single-handedly wasting close to a decade of our lives. Your apparent lack of necessary knowledge, or any semblance of usefulness, combined with your errant gilliganism in attempted leadership has stifled this country on COUNTLESS levels. Not only has technology stalled, but the economy is collapsing, and our foreign relationships are failing. You suck...so hard...that there arent even any Republicans left that'll defend you and they'll defend anything. On the other hand, because you're so unbelievably terrible, we're getting an African American President so thank you for that. Thank you for also essentially disproving the usefulness of "trickle-down economics" on a national scale. The President shouldnt be giving handouts to the rich while thumbing his nose at the poor. Seems like that would be common knowledge but I cant say I'd expect you to be in possession of that anyway. You oaf. You maroon. You putz. Get lost, dunce.

Dumb black atheletes. Yes, you, simple athelete that got put in front of a microphone and acts like not only is English brand new to you, but so is the act of perceived thought. Stop stumbling through interviews with retarded slang. Also, act like you have the sense God gave you when you're out in public. For christsakes, your livelihood is A GIFT. And btw, kids look up to you. Stop taking that for granted and be worth their adoration...and their admiration. Also, you spent time in college, didnt you? Did NONE of that critical thinking rub off? I mean...some of it HAD TO have...right?

Peyton Manning. Oooohhhhhh you son of a bitch. You motherfu...ooohh you make my asshole itch I cant stand you. Let me back up....its nothing personal. But AS SOON AS its the playoffs in my fantasy leagues, this dude gets hot and CRUSHES me in the 2 leagues that I actually had a chance to win. In consecutive weeks, the guy I played against had Manning and any other indiscriminate cast of characters from the Colts and lit me on fire. Here's the kicker, I have Reggie Wayne (THEIR BEST RECEIVER) and Marvin Harrison (THEIR BEST somehow avoid prison guy) and he throws touchdowns to NEITHER. So thats a possible $500 bucks that I'm out. Thanks yo. Have a great playoffs anyway....dick.

The Governator. Stop fucking with state workers. Its the state congress that fucked the budget up. Not me and my gov't bretheren. You're the one who repealed the car tax. What are you fining yourself?

Mother Nature. Oh you're really giving it to me with both barrels this season arent you? Waking up to weather in the upper 30s like I live in Sasketchewan or some bullshit. If I wanted that cold ass weather, I'd live in a much cooler city...like Chicago or NYC. Stop fucking with us and bring back the sun. I miss my tan.

Guy who bumrushes the elevator as soon as the door opens. Numbnuts, there may be someone GETTING OFF the elevator. Slow it down, speed racer. Plus, there's 5 of them. There's no need to run to catch the one.

Kaiser Permanente. You bastards. You'll do anything that requires the LEAST amount of treatment wont you? If someone asks for something more than an x-ray, you have every reason in the book why its unnecessary, infeasible, and utterly non-viable. You can be on your deathbed on your way to Kaiser and they'll still ask you if you have your Kaiser card before they even look up at your face. YOU are a plague.

Home stretch....
Cell phone service, wi-fi...You're not good enough. You should be better by now and you know it. Quit resting on your laurels and turn it up a notch.

Auto industry...not good enough. People would LOVE to buy American. The fact that they dont is simply a referendum on YOU. Do better. And stop lollygagging and come up with more fuel-efficient/green tech cars already. The world is watching.

I just needed to get some of that off my chest. Happy Festivus everyone!!