I've been reading a lot of blogs about black women lately and their struggles with finding a "good" black man. Personally, I've always been skeptical and unapologetic to black women concerning this predicament because I felt, and still feel, that many of them made their own beds and are being forced to lie in them. When I say that, what I mean is, I've seen enough quality black men TRY, in vain, to "talk" to a black woman and quickly get the cold shoulder, in favor of some obvious dope that may have had a nicer car, watch, etc. and especially fancier wordplay. So when I hear black women complain about only finding these dopes, I become incredulous and simply tell them that they found what they were looking for. So, yes, I also was frustrated with black women. That said, I never did turn my back on them. Just didnt put all my eggs in that one basket, so to speak.
The newer conversations are starting to center around black women doing the same. There seems to be more of a willingness to abandon the premise of what they called "dating around the rainbow" rather than their self-induced allegiance to dating only black men. Honestly, I never put much, if any, stock into this rhetoric about how exclusively dating black men made them more loyal to the race or any other nonsense derived from that. That stuff might sound nice as a soundbite, or on a postcard, but this is the real world. Exclusively dating black men is doing neither black men or women any kind of favor. What it IS doing is decreasing your dating pool by a significant quantity. Just to be clear, its fine for ANYONE to have their preferences. But if you're trying to sell it as you doing someone ELSE a favor, you're fooling yourself. Grow up.
As I mentioned earlier, black women are now considering, and actively dating, men of other races. Personally, I say GOOD. Expand your dating pool. Find your happiness. Be better than just looking and disqualifying a potential partner because of their race. Personally, I think this will not only improve a black woman's ability to find happiness, and/or maybe start a family, but I actually think it would improve black male/female relationships. That probably sounds ridiculous but lets examine. As it stands, a lot of black men are thoroughly convinced that whatever they do, whoever they are, they can find and get with a black woman. Lets face it, black women of quality have settled for the bullshit at an alarming rate. What if that wasnt the case? What if more black men knew that they had to get their shit right to get with a woman of quality, black or otherwise? Men do what is necessary to be appealing to a woman. That always has been the case, always will be. Women set the standard that men are supposed to meet. But if black women continue to eschew all others, listless black men will know that they dont have to do shit, or be shit, to still have a chance.
If you'll allow me, a slight but related tangent. A good amount of the issue also being presented has to do with black women being more professionally inclined and upwardly mobile than black men as of late. This is definitely true. Black women are carrying the baton of education and success further than black men are right now. Because of this, black women are stuck looking in vain for a black man that matches them professionally and intellectually. This is another SERIOUS problem that I wish I could provide good, viable answers to. The problems, as I see it, are that the dating pool at this level is small as it is, and even smaller when looking for a black man. I also believe it to be a double-edged sword because men in general shy away from these "career women" for reasons of their own. Some of them more valid than others. These reasons include whether or not these women even have time for a man or a family. I'm sure it hasnt escaped very many that some of the men that would fit this desirable profile probably arent looking for a woman that is AS career-minded as he is. They might be more inclined to find a woman that would be home a little more often in case they decide to build a family.
There's also the situation of whether a relationship can handle a women as the primary breadwinner. I know a lot of men & women believe they can handle this situation, but many of them are deluding themselves. Men have as much trouble handling not being the breadwinner as women seem to have trouble being it. Its NOT just a male issue. I've seen a woman throw being the breadwinner in a man's face and can honestly say THAT would put my relationship in extreme jeopardy. I digress.
Black women, I say this to you as a resident EBMOP*, BRANCH OUT. End your brand loyalty and maybe try on a different pair of genes and see if it fits. THAT might wind up being one of the better things you could do for black men, in general. And if you come across some black men, or women, that want to get funky with you because of that, tell em "TOUGH." Being happy is a civil right.
*Educated Black Man On Premises; shoutout to dallasblack
This is gonna be a rant.
