Stuck In My Head: Lauryn Hill - Doo Wop

Love this song. Love this video. I miss Lauryn Hill.

Fast Food Roundup

On my way to picking up some Jack in the Box* this morning, I thought "Why dont I break down the different fast food joints around here?" How do you tell these "fast" heffas from each other? I can help you. Lets start with the Jack

Jackie B: She is the consummate multi-tasker.  Jack of all trades.  Whatever you want, she can do it and do it better than most. Like Parker Lewis, with Jack, you cant lose. She's not the hottest or the smartest but she is one you want in your corner.

Mickey D's: She's Miss Popularity and she knows it. Everybody knows Mickey. She's lead cheerleader, class President, and the valedictorian of your class. You dont want to like her...you just have no real reason to DISLIKE her. Anything you want, she can get. Nice clubs? She has VIP access. Backstage? Sure, why not. Her only flaw is "Pretty Girl Syndrome." Thinks she can get away with ANYTHING b/c of her looks and a pretty smile. She often can.

Burger King: Lil BK is tryna to get like Mickey. She's the lil sister that STAYS trying to get OUT of Mickey's shadow but cant. She's not hot enough, smart enough, or different enough to distinguish herself. She's like the LA Clippers. This isnt to say she doesnt have her own quality, of course. Its just harder to find and underappreciated.

Wendy's: Wannabe Wendy is that heffa that come around in fancy adidas and try to act like she better than all this shit. "I'm not fast food!" Fuckouttahere Wendy. Everyone knows where she comes from and she aint no blue blood. "Where's the beef?" Wendy? My beef is with phonies like you. If you see a Wendy, pass her by without a second thought.

Carl's Jr: Carla is one of my faves. She might try to put on a lil but thats actually the way she is. She's not just tryna put on a front. In fact, consider her the better version of Wannabe Wendy. Carla is a lot like Jackie B just dresses nicer.

In n Out: She's that girl with the old soul. A real throwback. Old school values and such and you appreciate her for it. She's not about putting on but she does have some nice goodies about her if you get to know her well enough. She's also a real sweetheart.

Chick Fil A: Chick is one of my favorites. She's the one that does all the same type of #hoshit that all of the others do, except a slightly healthier version, but dont even THINK of calling her on Sunday. She spends the whole day at church, repenting.

Taco Bell: This is your Spanish friend that makes like she cant speak English when it suits her...but she'll be the FIRST one to get mad at you when you make a joke about Mexicans.

Del Taco:  BK version of Taco Bell.

Chipotle:  This is the half Spanish/half White girl we all know or have known at some point. More than half the time, she ONLY looks like a white girl but dresses & acts like she's a cholla straight outta Tijuana. And yes, she does rock the white top with the black bra (so...SO hood).

So there you have it. A short, concise look at characterizations of fast food restaurants. Have a great day.

Public Service Announcement: The Full Nelson

Say you and your women are arguing and its getting physical. You, of course, dont want to put hands on her and she isnt letting you get away to clear your head. Fellas, I recommend the Full Nelson. The damage done is minimal. MOST people dont know how to get out of it...and it makes your woman look kinda silly if you feel like laughing about the situation later. Maybe you can grind on her butt a little during, if you want, but thats a you-call.

Would we be hearing about Chris & Rihanna had Chris put her in one of these? I think not.

When The Music Stops

"People would rather sit around taking sides than discuss the realities of actual and potential domestic violence."

Last night, on 20/20, many people watched Rihanna discuss the altercation between her and Chris Brown.  If you are SOMEHOW unfamiliar with the story, Chris Brown damn near beat Rihanna's face in for reasons that I'm still unsure of.  I honestly dont think that matters.  Fact is, a man SHOULD NEVER hit a woman.  I was on twitter, as I normally am (@and1grad), and I saw a LOT of dialogue, mainly from women, during the episode.  The topic of domestic violence always elicits an emotional response BUT what I saw was so OD, I almost felt forced to make the above quoted comment.  To most of the women I am following, if you had ANYTHING negative, or somehow critical, to say about Rihanna, you were essentially in favor of domestic violence.  Or you thought it was ok that he hit her for whatever reason.  Some women seemed to be acting like Rihanna was practically a superhero for what she said last night and were recklessly KILLING Chris Brown for having talked about it earlier.  I even heard some insane nonsense about how she must be telling the truth because she sounded so much more composed or whatever.  I'm sorry but you have to be brand new to the world to believe that.  Not that I think Rihanna was lying (she might've been about some stuff), but if you think the truth always sounds better than a smooth ass lie, you're probably either lying to yourself or extremely gullible.



If Rihanna continues to be an advocate for domestic violence when she isn't promoting an album, then I will have respect for her. -- @eb-the-celeb


I purposely did not watch the Rihanna interview and only saw clips of Chris Brown's interview with Larry King, where everyone OD'd on his bowtie.  Ok, Rihanna finally spoke up.  Good for her.  But if you're expecting me to fall all over myself acting like she's some kinda advocate for women's rights...#fail.  The fact that she's doing all of this now that she has an album coming out is so egregiously self-serving that it kills her credibility.  Some of yall can eat that shit up if you want but she could've said ANYTHING MONTHS ago.  The fact that she went right back to him after he beat her also killed some sympathy in me.  I also hear that this wasnt the first incident of them beating on each other.  Just the worst.  And then I'm supposed to believe all this awareness junk NOW?  Now that she's got an album to push?  Sorry but that would make me a fool and if YOU are choosing to be one, have at it.  I'll pass.

But this brings me to the crux of this post.  This has all become just useless fingerpointing as opposed to discussing the realities of domestic violence.  Fingerpointing is a lot more fun but lets be real here.  Domestic violence is a terrible phenomenon that goes on WAY more than reported and is, in fact, a two-sided affair.  Although, its only taken seriously when a man is the culprit.  Like I said earlier, a man should never hit a woman.  I emphasized should and never earlier for a reason.  That is IDEAL.  The REALITY is it COULD happen to the best of us.  I dont believe there's very many men that intend on hitting a woman but I DO know that there are a LOT more people who react without thinking than the converse. 

So in the interest of having a PRODUCTIVE conversation, lets toss out the outliers of a man that commonly hits a woman and a woman that commonly beats on a man.  Lets assume we have two normal, average people who get into a verbal argument that is escalating out of control.  Most of us know to what level we're ready to push an altercation before we back up, leave, digest the situation, reflect, and then reapproach.  The reality is that isnt always going to happen.  Lets say in this scenario, that the argument got physical.  Literally, unless the woman attacks a guy with a weapon, the man is AUTOMATICALLY at fault in this situation.  Double standards aside, men know this as an understood aspect of society.  HOWEVER, some women seem to take this as either a way to excuse a woman's accountability in an abusive relationship, OR as a way to blame the women entirely for everything.  Why is it so difficult to stay in between? 

Sometimes women hit men. I have no idea whether or not it is as common as a man hitting a woman and I'm not about to theorize on that.  However, it is NOT taken anywhere NEAR as seriously.  In fact, if people see a woman hitting a man, they assume he's deserved it.  Also, its pretty widely accepted, by men, in society that if you let your woman beat on you or report her to the police over it, you are a punk.  The balance of the way domestic violence is viewed is tremendously skewed.  But it should be.  Men have a far greater capacity of inflicting damage on a woman than the reverse.  The responsibility behind that fact branches out to both parties though.  It seems like some women believe that if they hit you, you should just leave or restrain them.  I dont advocate for that in a real life situation because that isnt always going to happen.  I would hope that most men would do that but some MIGHT be inclined to clear out a woman's dental situation if she is swinging on him.  THAT can happen to the best-intentioned of us.

Let me use myself as an example.  I have never had the desire, as an adult, to get into a fight with another person, male or female, over an argument.  That whole phenomena is almost foreign to me.  I look at it, mainly, in 2 ways.  First, I'm a grown up.  Fisticuffs seems childish to me.  Second, I dont think you should hit someone and not be completely expectant of them hitting you back.  That said, you aint gonna just beat on me.  Not without SEVERE repercussions.  That doesnt make me a monster.  It makes me a human being. 

This is becoming entirely too long so let me address one last thing.  There are some women who are of the "I wish a nig would" mentality.  Let me disavow you of that absurd mentality.  No you dont wish that.  More than likely, any man you deal with is going to be at least twice as strong as you.  Do not attempt to fight him.  If a man has/is hitting you, get the hell out of there.  Fellas, if you need to hit something, find an inanimate object or take up boxing or something.  Nobody wins in a physical altercation.  Take whatever steps necessary to avoid it at all costs.

Is there anything I missed on this topic? Did you watch the Chris Brown and/or Rihanna interviews? What do YOU think?

Pet Peeves: Women who think they're inherently superior to men

This is one of my all time pet peeves. I recently read a comment that made a statement that essentially said that women are mentally superior to men. I'm SO TIRED of women who believe that they are mentally superior simply b/c they are female. (Yes this would apply to men too but I'm talking about women here) These people simply amaze me. Every man is simple and YOU'RE complex, right? Please. Its these same women that associate with simple ass men and then complain about it later. Hang around a higher caliber of person that challenges you mentally. They arent THAT hard to find. If you havent found that in the opposite sex, its b/c you've chosen to be around those who dont challenge you in that way. Thats a you problem.

These people annoy me to no end.

Public Service

Earlier today, I noted that some people seem to really struggle to find "common sense"...so I thought I'd provide some things to NOT do on your way to finding common sense. Think of it as me helping folks thru the maze on the back of the cereal box called Common Sense. I would say "Life" but nobody eats that shit. Lets get started.

THINGS TO NOT DO:

Drugs
Crimes
Hang Out With People Who Do Drugs
Hang Out With People Who Do Crimes
Argue With The Police (particularly if you are involved in any of the above)
Eat Only Fast Food
Pull On A Black Woman's Hair Without Prior Permission
Hit On Your Mom's Friend
Hit On Your Friend's Mom
Get An Absurd Amount/Size Of Tattoos
Date Women Who Say The N-Word A Lot (especially if she isnt black)
Watch A Lot Of BET, MTV, Or VH1
Approach Gangstas Thinking You Hard
Retweet Yourself Without a Valid Reason
Wear Magnums If You Cant Fit Em (Riddle me this: What if the magnum is snug? Muah hahahahahaa, I digress)

This is just a list to get SOME people started. Be proud of yourself if all of this is already known to you. You might make up more of a minority than you think.

ART Club: Audra McDonald

Ladies and Gentlemen, Audra McDonald.

This bombshell plays Dr. Naomi Bennett on Private Practice, which is a spinoff of Grey's Anatomy. She is DISTURBINGLY hot. I cant watch this show w/o thinking that Taye Diggs' character is a plum fool for divorcing this one. Not only that but she's CLEARLY needing to be a card-carrying member of the ART Club. Do you KNOW how much sick leave I would burn if...shhhhh maaaaaaaannnnnn.

The doctor is IN.